Stepping Out

By Wednesday, 8 days after the operation, I was ready to expand my horizons. I started going for walks. It was Liz's influence. She more or less challenged me to get out of the house. She took me for a walk, all the way to the end of the block. I was wearing my scrubs and holding my splint pillow over my tummy, but I was walking outside, even outside the yard. It was both a major expansion of my horizons and a reminder that I was a convalescent. I made it to the stop sign and back, but it was work. When I got back, I settled onto the couch. My plan was not to move more than necessary for as long as I could manage it. I was pretty wiped out.

I was, at that point, still taking the Percocet exactly on schedule. I did make it to the end of the six hours each time, but I didn't go more than ten minutes past. Walking around the house was becoming routine, but I hadn't left the yard on my own, and without Liz's encouragement, I may not have for a few more days. Once again, I found myself caught in this place, between thinking I was really making progress and the limitations on what I could do, or was willing even to try, because of the pain when I made any real effort. I knew I could manage walking to the bathroom and back. I knew I could stand taking a shower. It was weird to recognize that those felt like real accomplishments. How much of our lives is based on illusion and perception?

I had received a few emails from colleagues at work. Most were just expressing hopes for my rapid recovery and return, but one of my colleagues, Cyndie, who was covering one of my classes, sent me an email asking about a few questions on the exam I had shared with her. She was polite and professional, but the message on the questions she asked about was, What the Hell are you thinking? Well, on the two most obvious problem questions, I explained that I had edited the question, but forgot, somehow, to update the key. That's what the problem was. I think that may have been the truth, as I don't usually use the test bank key to make the keys for my exams. I just read the test, and type in the answers before I scan the forms. But once in a while I screw it all up, and put the wrong answer in the key. Fortunately, most of the time when that happens, everyone misses the question, and I notice the error when I check it. I do check questions that most of the class miss. That got me wondering again when I might get back to work.

And then I remembered my walk. If I could barely get to the end of the block and back, I couldn't stay on my feet to proctor an exam, much less give a ninety minute lecture, and teach a lab or two or three in the same day. I was still dreaming of getting back to work after a couple of weeks, but here I was, over a week out from the operation, and just walking half a block. Maybe Dr. Paddy was right. Maybe recovery from major surgery would take a bit of time. And I would just have to learn to deal with that.

The best I could do was keep taking a few steps more every time I went out.