Preparing for the Worst

When I went in for my doctor's visits, including for the colonoscopy, I was asked each time if I have a Living Will or other health care documents. I don't. But I wonder if I should.

I'm not very fit, because I don't exercise much. I have high blood pressure, or did before I started the meds. I have partially controlled depression, including chronic anhedonia. Sort of the opposite of a hedonist; I don't want to do anything. I do things, and I have fun, at least sometimes, but here I am, on "vacation" from work, and I sit in a chair and read, or stare at the computer screen. I watch a lot of TV in the evening. There just isn't anything I want to do. So, what's the point of continuing? Don't get depression; it sucks.

I could have the doctor make me DNR when I go in for surgery. The odds are (always in my favor), I won't code. I looked up the odds on what would happen if I did. Overall survival to discharge is about 17%, for all comers in hospital codes. White people in good hospitals with few major health problems do a little better. Half of those who make it to discharge go home. Neurological damage looked surprisingly uncommon in the reports I saw, but maybe a quarter have some loss of other function. The conclusion of one paper was that people who code have bad outcomes, which they do. 85% die, and another 8 or 9% go to a nursing home. Scary.

But what would I do in a nursing home? I suppose I'd sit in a chair and read books, or stare at something. Maybe not a laptop, depending what was damaged to send me there, and the in-house theft rate, but not that much different from my wonderful break from work. Maybe people would visit me. Maybe not. Maybe I wouldn't even notice.

I don't think I'll do anything, like make a Living Will. I can't decide what I should do, and, like with pretty much everything else, I don't want to do it. I'm not against having a Living Will; I just don't have a drive to take care of it. So I'll do what I'm told, and answer what I'm asked, and keep plodding on without any advanced directives. Just too lazy (code word) to get it done. Besides, the odds are, it won't matter. How often does the worst happen?